Tuesday, August 13, 2013
So it has been awhile huh... im not even sure whether anyone would bother reading this anymore.. If no one does them it would be best actually.. just need somewhere where I can note down my thoughts and feelings.. And im not so keen to the idea of knowing tt people are reading this, its like invading privacy.. Sooo... When was the last time I blog... Years ago! Alot has happened.. Gained a few not so close frens..more of acquantences.. Loses lots of close frens... Got a job.. Resign.. Got a new job n on the verge of resigning.. Yadayadayada.. The reason i decided to start blog this is because i realised that I have been ignorant towards myself lately.. Age is catching up on me but theres alot of things i havent achieved yet.. I dnt even have the determination and not even making an effort to achieve anything.. My mind seems to refuse to connect with my heart.. Whatever n whenever that little voice in me says, for example..hey huda you'r getting fat.. you should start jogging.. , my mind will be like.. 'Lets go.. But wouldnt it b better if i stay at home and watch some show instead' contemplating.. Ype tts the word.. Sometimes my mind and heart will get into little argument n my mind would just shut down.. Yes.. Literally shut down.. Like not think of anything.. So hopefully i will hv more actions once i jot down what i really think and feel.. An update.... The last time i blogged was when someone left me for another.. Tts the reason for the jiwang2 posts and lyrics.. I believe that everything happened for a reason.. Because of that person leaving me, I met someone else.. Yearps.. Someone who is so much better in so many ways... We have been together for 5yrs plus nw.. Kalau jodoh takla kemana.. I dont have that many frens anymore.. once someone told me that once you grow older, your circle of frems will get smaller.. I dont believe her then.. Till now.. I'd worked with smrt for 5yrs as a customer service leader at orc.. For 5yrs i was in the tank.. Haha.. I gained alot of frens then.. I enjoyed wrking w the team even though some of them really get on my nerve sometimes.. They were like my 2nd family.. I was dying to go out.. Reason being that i domt want to sit there for 10, 20yrs.. I have dreams to achieve.. So i resigned last yr, dec 2013.. That was wen i realised tt no matter hw much u sacrifice urself for wrk, some bosses just dnt knw hw to appreciate you.. Nw im working with cpg.. Its a facilities management company.. Dealing w cleaning, pest control and horticultural matters at MOEHQ.. I hate the job!! I dont regret resigning from smrt.. I am like an octopus... Even my boss dnt trust me.. I dont even know what im interested in... Im old.. Not tt old.. But old enough to have a plan.. N i dont.. Till next time..
and it rages on. | 5:23 AM |
Saturday, February 06, 2010
everything goes tumbling down now.. I know I shouldn't have let you into in too deep. Guess I'm just stubborn as it is. however, as far as I'm concerned, when feelings are involved, I can't help myself.. I'm only human.. I'm only woman..
I can't change you, cause you don't want to. No matter how hard I tried.
Now, it all backfired to me now.
What's the point of this relationship we have when we can't even confide with one another?
I don't want morning to come cause I know I ll feel worst. I don't want to face another day like this.
and it rages on. | 10:48 AM |
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love and suddenly
It's like a battle-field
One word turns into a
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield
Can't go back now
Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no
These times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now
I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
Why does love always feel like ...
a battlefield (battlefield)
a battlefield (battlefield)
a battlefield (battlefield)
(repeat)
Why does love always feel like
Can't swallow our pride,
Neither of us wanna raise that flag
If we can't surrender
then we both gonna lose what we had, oh no
Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
(nothing)
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
I don't wanna fall for it now
I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
Why does love always feel like ...
a battlefield (battlefield)
battlefield (battlefield)
battlefield (battlefield)
(repeat)
Why does love always feel like
You better go and get your armor
(get your armor)
Get your armor (get your armor)
I guess you better go and get your armor
(get your armor)
Get your armor (get your armor)
I guess you better go and get your
We could pretend that we are friends tonight
And in the morning we'll wake up and we'll be alright
Cause baby we don't have to fight
And I don't want this love to feel like
A battlefield (oh) a battlefield (oh) a battlefield,
Why does love always feel like a battlefield (oh)
a battlefield (oh) a battlefield
I guess you better go and get your armor
I never meant to start a war (start a war)
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
(fighting, fighting for)
Why does love always feel like ...
a battlefield (battlefield)
a battlefield (battlefield)
a battlefield (battlefield)
(repeat)
Why does love always feel like
You better go and get your armor
(get your armor)
Get your armor (get your armor)
I guess you better go and get your armor
(get your armor)
Get your armor (get your armor)
I guess you better go and get your
Why does love always feel like
(whooaa ooow)
Why does love always feel like
(whooaa ooow)
A battlefield, a battlefield..
I never meant to start a war
Don't even know What we're fighting for
I never meant to start a war
Don't even know What we're fighting for
This song bring the greatest meaning to me now.
We keep on fighting and I'm so sick and tired of it.
Its me. You have been great.
You are not head over heels in love with me, but you love me.
And I don't appreciate you.
and it rages on. | 12:11 AM |
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Someone take me away from this misery please...
The conversation we had yesterday hurts me so.
I want you to do the impossible to make everything right.
I dont know what else you can do for me.
Nobody wants to be the leftover.
You will never change even though you've told me a zillion times that you will.
I miss all my friends.
They're drifting away.
Love me tenderly.
Love me unconditionally.
Love me for me.
Even before what I am right now.
Love me before.
Love me now.
Words dont matter to me now.
Maybe cause I trust your words too much that's how I get here.
and it rages on. | 11:33 AM |
"The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore"
-James Morrison
I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart
Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit here anymore
You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone
Why I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore
You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone
I don't know why
Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore
Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel
Cause I've tried, yes I've tried
Still I don't know why
No I don't know why
Maybe this song explains it all
and it rages on. | 11:26 AM |
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Is it love, or are u just someone I need to fill up my loneliness.
Sometimes I am so afraid of losing you but
Sometimes I myself want to stay far away from you.
Maybe its the way that you treat me. It seems that you're not satisfied with
what I am. Then why bother going out with me??
Sometimes I miss you terribly but there's nothing that I can do.
However, whenever you wanted to meet me, I will try my best to be there for you.
I know that you're busy with your stuffs and how bout me? Dont I have a life too.
You told me you love me but have you ask yourself lately?
I may not be the girl that you've been looking0 for but you think that you might be that guy that i have been looking for?
Nobody is perfect. I have accepted and learned to love your flaws and it seems that you cant do the same for me.
Whatever it is, Im missing you badly right now but there's nothing I can do about it.
I need you to show me that you really do love me.
Words has lost its meaning.
Im still the old me.
and it rages on. | 1:48 AM |
Monday, July 16, 2007
To whoever it may concern...
I shall quote the poem I came across...
N it fits perfectly how I feel bout U...
I'm writing this letter to tell you
I don't love you anymore.
I don't miss you.
I never have.
The truth is, I tried, but never found your adoration
anything other than arduous,
your niceties cliched,
your praise thoughtless.
and it has become unbearably obvious
that you love me with all the originality
of romance novels;
But do not be sad,
nothing is lost,
neither of us even loved each other truly-
you only thought you did
and I only wanted to.
Yupe its hard to get over you.
The relationship we had.
And the sudden change in you.
We were both at fault.
A great friendship gone to waste.
I questioned myself, why cant we be just friend in the first place.
That was my mistake.
Should not have lead you on.
Wonder how you get over me that fast.
Maybe its because of her.
Haha.
Whatever.
And here's another one...
I keep expecting you to fade,
to wake up one morning
and not care so I keep myslef
one carefully measured step away in anticipation
of your love's decline
so when your cheek turns and your attention wanders elsewhere
my heart will not be left all awkward
hanging
from elastic thread
you forgot to pull off
your old pair of socks
for it's in your nature to lost interest suddenly
we are both artists who suck the marrow out
of each other lovely bone
it just happens to be
my lovely bones this time
how bare.
Thanks for the love, care and concern you've showered me
No one can ever replace it.
Thanks for the memories
I shall lock it in and put it in a safe place.
Never will I open it.
What over is over.
I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket but Ive got to get a move on with my life
To others,
Sorry for being overly emotional here.
and it rages on. | 3:56 AM |